“As the number of choices keeps growing, negative aspects… begin to appear… choice no longer liberates, but debilitates.”
Barry Schwartz, The Paradox of Choice
As a therapist and a parent, I’ve always been under the impression that offering choices is the way to go. Choices can feel empowering and can offer a sense of control. Maybe I am offering a choice to a client on what DBT skill to practice for the week; or I am offering a choice of what tutu my toddler can wear in her princess era. In these moments, I am not going to offer my toddler 50+ tutus nor will I offer my client 10+ therapy options. And why is that? Because I know how stressful it can be to be offered too many choices. When choices become infinite, decisions feel impossible and incredibly daunting.
The rise of the internet, social media and online shopping make our choices endless. I can recall feeling debilitated by the plethora of sippy cups I could choose from for my toddler at the time. I could open a sippy cup store with the amount of sippy cups I acquired; and then, that store would have continued the cycle of choice overload for another new mom trying to make the best sippy cup decision for her kiddo.
Choosing a sippy cup is a very trivial example of choice overload. The stakes and stressors are much higher when faced with choosing a career, degree, spouse, family planning, financial planning, college, etc. “Choice overload, also known as overchoice, choice paralysis, or the paradox of choice, describes how people get overwhelmed when they are presented with many options” (thedecisionlab.com/biases/choice-overload-bias). The stress often leads to decision-fatigue, anxiety and avoidance and/or post-choice regret. We can feel stuck and left with unfinished tasks. The cycle is pervasive and continues repeating itself until we choose to break the cycle.
How to break the cycle of choice overload? We need to lean in to the present moment, with a grateful heart and accept that we are perfectly imperfect. We need to lean into self-compassion. We need to practice acceptance for a “good enough” mindset. “Other people are satisficers: folks just looking for something that meets their basic requirements. Satisficers are content with good and don’t feel the need to seek out the best” (thedecisionlab.com/biases/choice-overload-bias). According to Dialectical Behavior Therapy philosophy, a life worth living is not about perfection nor pure bliss, it’s about achieving contentedness and satisfaction — much more attainable emotional states.
We can access mindfulness through exercises to promote awareness of the present moment without judgment. We can practice self-compassion through treating ourselves with care and attention in therapy, movement, hobbies, coping skills, fulfilling human connection, self-care and self-affirmations. We can participate in a life of gratitude so that we can be more satisfied that our lives, choices and decisions are “good enough”.
I encourage you to consider these practices below to increase your “satisficer” mindset that your life is “good enough” just as it is.
5 Senses Mindfulness
- 5 things I see in this moment are:
- 4 things I hear in this moment are:
- 3 things I feel in this moment are:
- 2 things I smell in this moment are:
- 1 thing I taste in this moment is:
Morning Gratitude
Today I look forward to these 5 things:
(Repeat this practice every morning as you are getting your day started.)
Evening Gratitude
Today, I am grateful for these 5 things:
(Repeat this practice daily every evening when your day is coming to a close.)
Self-Affirmations and Mantras to Increase a Satisficer Mindset
- I am enough.
- My life is enough.
- My life is abundant and good enough.
- I am living a life worth living.
- I am doing the best I can in this moment AND I can still do better tomorrow.
- I am in control of my decisions.
- I make confident choices for my life.
- I do not need perfection. I am perfectly imperfect.
- I am satisfied.
- I am content.
- I am okay.
Question for Reflection
What is the last decision you made (whether big or small)? What are 3 things you are grateful for from that decision?
Jackie Colestock is a Licensed Professional Counselor who leads with kindness, compassion and empathy in the belief that, with the right tools and support, everyone is capable and deserving of a life worth living and becoming the best versions of themselves. She specializes in offering therapy to the givers and helpers, inviting those who devote their lives to others to fill their own cups. She specializes in supporting clients navigating stress, burnout, anxiety, depression, trauma, vicarious trauma, compassion-fatigue and grief. She can be reached at 267-459-4750 or jackie@jctherapylpc.com. Learn more at www.jctherapylpc.com.
